I (don't) have the gene!!!

A discussion at work yesterday prompted me to take a survey of those of us working - who has stinky pee after eating asparagus? Out of 13 of us working, only three of us claimed that our pee didn't stink, myself included. Oh, and another who said her pee only smelled a little bit... perhaps she's got a mutated gene...

I actually also had this discussion with a friend a month or so ago, and after doing some research then, I found that statistics show that only 40 to 50 percent of people that eat asparagus have a gene that breaks down an enzyme (or enzymes) in asparagus, thus producing smelly pee. I also found that some people don't have the ability to smell the odor produced.

I don't know, maybe there's some weird nursing-asparagus eating link, but only three of us? I felt like maybe I was special. After some discussion, on of my coworkers agreed to bring in some asparagus (grilled, of course) and we'd run an experiment. I suddenly became scared that maybe I wasn't so special and I do have asparagus pee but just couldn't smell it.

In any event, the experiment went down today and it turns out that I don't have the gene to break down the enzyme - my pee is asparagus free. And, I'm able to smell what asparagus pee smells like (thanks, Amy). Am I special? Not according to statistics, but on my unit... yes I am.

The funniest part was when I found out that indeed my pee didn't have "the odor." I literally started jumping up and down in the bathroom yelling, "I have the gene!! I have the gene!!" I mean, I was wrong, I should have been yelling, "I don't have the gene!!"

The really good news is that I love asparagus and I can eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner if I want - and know that my pee is asparagus-stench-free.

I wish I had a penis

I think every girl has either said this or at the very least, thought it at some point in her life. The girls were in the bathroom last night and I heard whispering and giggling from down the hall. I of course tip-toed closer to hear the subject matter and I heard Avery say, "I wish I had a penis, Ellie. If I did, my pee-pee would go up in the air to the toilet." Ellie covered her mouth while giggling. I'm quite certain this was the first time she'd even considered the idea of having a penis.

Avery on the other hand... I'm sure she's mulled this one over and really wishes for one. I mean, I can't say I blame her. The idea of peeing standing up is pretty appealing, especially when you think of gross public restrooms. It'd just be so much easier. There's lots of things that are appealing about having a penis, really. They've got the potential to be really fun, and useful too. The possibilities are endless.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I like what I've got. I'm just saying it would be fun, and rather convenient at times. I think sitting would be weird though. It just seems like it would get in the way and I don't think I could get used to it touching my leg all the time.

I guess what I'd really want is to have a penis I could throw in my purse and use it as needed. A "prn" penis, if you will. It could be used in gross bathroom situations... prn. I wouldn't limit it to emergencies though, it'd be fun to play with too.

You can't put a beagle in a backpack

I was driving the girls to school this morning and while I was waiting in traffic,  a guy on a bicycle pedaled by - acting as if nothing was weird - carrying an infant car seat in one hand and steering with the other. You can't make this shit up. Where was he going? Oh, I forgot to mention, there was no baby in the carrier.

Did he steal it? If so, who steals a baby seat? It's worse than stealing candy.... Did he drop the baby off (via bicycle) and take the baby seat with him? If so, why didn't he leave the seat with the baby? Was he going somewhere to pick up a baby on a bike? What mother would willingly turn their baby over to someone who was going to pedal off with them - to God knows where? I mean, so. many. questions. I. have.

And, being a nurse at a level 1 trauma center, I went from laughter, intrigue and wonder to anger. Said baby (if one exists) will probably end up at the hospital because of this idiot. This happens to me all the time. It's just usually with unhelmeted motorcyclists and not guys on bikes with baby carriers. I drive around this town and every time I see someone riding their motorcycle without a helmet I say to myself, "See you next week, idiot - I'll be wiping your ass." It sucks. And it's even worse if they are driving recklessly and unhelmeted.

It does however remind me of a funny incident several months ago. I was meeting a friend from nursing school after work one night, and on the way to meet her I got cut off by a guy pulling out of a gas station on a motorcycle without a helmet. He also was wearing a yellow backpack. We got stopped at the next stop light and I was directly behind him and noticed the backpack was moving. He reached back, fumbled with the backpack, (meanwhile, the light turned green) slightly unzipped it - and a little beagle dog face popped out.

Are you kidding me? You can't put a beagle in a backpack and drive him around on a  motorcycle. You just can't, people. My next thought was of course that the dog was going to jump out and I'd get in an accident trying to avoid the damn thing and end up at my own hospital.

Anyway, I guess my point is, people do stupid shit. But sometimes, it's funny. Funny uh-oh, but still funny.

Are you kidding me?

It's Friday, my day off and my favorite day of the week for several reasons. I usually like to try to relax on Fridays, but that doesn't always happen. After a little laundry and cleaning, I entered the girl's room to pack a bag for their sleep over tonight.

It's funny trying to pack for them, they usually do it themselves. I find myself trying to think like them - what pajamas would they like, what clothes for tomorrow and most importantly, what stuffed animal to take. Ellie's pretty easy. She's predictable. She'll want the usual, and on top of being predictable, she neat, so I knew right where to go to find all of her stuff.

I've finally figured out what to pack for Avery, minus the stuffed animal. She rarely sleeps with the same one. So, I sit on her bed and evaluate what she's got. If any of you know me, you've probably heard me talk about Avery's bad hording habits. The kid can stuff things in places you'd never imagine and with such quantity.

I begin to pull things out of the SMALL gap between her mattress and the wall. Here's a list of what I find: one small quilt, one small fleece blanket. a stuffed dolphin, Minnie mouse, dog, and teddy bear. I found two pull ups - one clean, one used (Gross, right?). Two pajama tops, one bottom and tons of popcorn kernels (they aren't allowed to eat in their rooms....).

She'll probably be very upset that I unearthed her stash, but come on. A used pull-up? That's nasty.

What Just Happened?

I just started a blog. Just like that. I tend to be impuslive and then regret whatever it was I was impulsive about approximately two minutes later so I sure hope that doesn't happen. And, I do love to tell crazy stories about my awesomely crazy kids, so maybe this is the place for me.

So, I was reading my friend's blog about her two crazy dogs and I literally laughed so hard at a couple of the entries that snot came out of my nose. I'm not lying. It was gross. Anyway, it was at that moment I thought... I need to do this. So, here I am.

But, I have to stop here because I have to work tomorrow and I should already be in bed. See, I was impulsive and should have waited until tomorrow....